New Year, New Post

Hello all!

Time has slipped away again here at the 54th Street Zoo with the holidays, vacations and parties. Let me first throw out there that Seminole is no more. We tried everything we could think of and then a few more things but it never gelled. We have officially left escrow with the property and YWCA. The decision was met with mixed feelings here - some sad, other angry and even some relief. The property is just too unique for us to get financing as a residential property. I can honestly say we did everything we could to try and make it work so it was not from a lack of effort.

The good news is we are scheduled to close escrow on Saturday January 7th on Degen Drive. Once it became clear we had finally run out of options with Seminole we talked with our incredible real estate agent Recheal Stewart-Brown (we highly recommend her - she is aggressive, very well informed and has been our champion in every quest to find a new home) and asked for a listing of all the houses that met our needs and starting looking again. Degen Drive was the result and we are happy as can be. Some of the family had some grieving to do around Seminole but everyone agrees the house is more than adueqate for our needs. There's rooms a plenty, five in total with us converting the garage into a downstairs master suite for the dads. Three bathrooms with another being added to the master suite and a pool. A beautiful garden space, front and back yard with space to build granny flats for parents to retire to. The sellers are a wonderful couple who built the house from the ground up to raise their own family in. If we can swing the improvements we want before we move in, we'll even have a guest room for people to use when they visit.

The kids are doing well and had a busy time the last few months. The older kids (Nani & Tre) joined the children's choir at Grandma Graham's church where she is the director. They have been really enjoying the time spent with her and the opportunity to perform for the church for their Christmas programs. The religious element has caused a stir and some tension with the parents and some of the grandparents but I think we've worked it out. We are balancing them spending time with their family and keeping the matter of religious education firmly in the hands of the parents. I was surprised to find I had the least anxiety and stress over all of this. I think I have my father to thank for that (yet another thing). I feel very comfortable discussing the matter with the kids and drawing firm boundaries about the issue. Wish us luck.

Siddha is continuing to talk up a storm here and we've been encouraging her to grow her sentence length when talking with us. She is steadily warming up to Auntie Monica which has been awesome to watch. She is still having some difficulty playing cooperatively with her older siblings. We've started a new set of rules/guidelines that will hopefully help with that. If anyone has any suggestions feel free to pass them along. We have an aggressive toddler and two older siblings who don't always share well when playing together. At least part of it is Siddha's limited vocabulary which will keep growing. Please send any and all ideas my way.

They all went to the Botanical Gardens again this year and walked through the lit wonderland. We also got to go to Legoland with Uncle Stephen, his fiancé (congratulations again) and their children. It was a grand old time with lots of chatting, laughing and fun for the kids. Grammy Jo was here at the same time and got to join us as well. Tre and Nani went with Nia and Auntie Katie to see Santa Claus and have dinner with him. They also got to go to Camp Cahito again for a week over Christmas break so as you can see it was a busy time for the kids.

Speaking of Grammie Jo - she was down again for another week stay and once again filled the house with delicious baked treats. She did cookies with the grandkids, hung out with the adults and was as always a pleasure to be around. We once again made our pitch for her to live with us when she felt the time was right. We can a chance to spend some adult time with her as well which is always nice. She is planning on upping her trips to San Diego from three times a year to four which is awesome. The current plan is her to come down near each child's birthday then one more between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The adults were busy as well with Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma Graham's. It was strange not hosting or cooking up a storm for the dinner but we enjoyed it none the less. Grandma Graham set a wonderful table and it was lovely to share the day with more extended family then usual. The kids got to run around and spend time with more of Lisa's family. I have to admit it was nice to have less clean up and work to be done after the meal was over. We just packed up our left overs and went home.

We followed that up with our Tree Decorating Party. The tree was put up, decorated and lit with good cheer. Tre got to put up his little blue and silver tree in his room then all the kids helped decorate sugar cookies. It was an added bonus that Grammy Jo was still in town. We snacked on food throughout the night and had great conversation with the other guests. We're all looking forward to hosting this event in the new house this year with the added space.

We hosted Christmas Eve dinner here with my the whole family. This year we did lamb and ham as the main entrees and came out fantastic. For the last several years Bill's sister Carol sends us a GC for Whole Foods which we use to buy the ingredients for the meal. Almost everyone made a great side dish to bring or pitched in with the prep and clean up. We had an added bonus of Megan flying down last minute to the spend the Christmas weekend with us. We ate and ate then opened gifts with the folks we wouldn't see the following day for Christmas. The kids got us up bright and early the next morning to see what Santa brought. Tre's beyblade collection has grown considerably and Nani has gotten more make believe wear along with Alien Invasion Legos.

An awesome thing to point out from the morning gift opening was Siddha. While this is indeed her second Christmas it was the first one where she could really participate in the process. She opened each gift and then spent 20 to 30 minutes playing with and examining the gift. It was awesome! She was so mindful of the gift and spent time really developing a relationship with the item in question. It was wonderful to see and I hope she keeps that habit for the foreseeable future.

As with every year we went to my father's for Christmas Day dinner with his friends and a few of our own. My dad and Micheal have really made their home welcoming to the adults and the children. They had recorded the old claymation Christmas specials for them to watch while the dinner was being prepared and then we all sat around talking and eating. In the theme of friends and family coming at the last minute - Micheal Mosher joined us for dinner and it was great to see him. He and my father hadn't seen each other in over a decade - they spent time catching up and chatting. It was comfortable and familiar - everything I associate with being at my father's home.

After all the meals and out of town guests we went straight into preparing for our kid friendly New Year's Eve party at the house. We lay out a spread buffet style and made room for kids to run and play. We watch the ball drop live from New York at 9 pm ensuring the kids get to bed at a reasonable hour. We had eight kids total and it was wonderful to see them playing while getting another chance to catch up with friends. Once again we're looking forward to hosting this event in the new house this year with more space and more amenities for throwing big parties.

That catches us up to now with it being January. We have two birthdays this month Bill's and Leng's. I am woefully behind on getting pictures uploaded to Flickr which I will try to do in the next few weeks here before the move. As always we welcome any visitors to the region and I hope everyone had a happy and wonderful holiday and a great start to the new year.

Two Months, One Post Redux

Howdy all!

Once again the time has whizzed past me and I find myself scrabbling to get something posted. Please do not take my lack of monthly posts as disinterest in keeping everyone informed about the happenings here in San Diego. I see the blog as an important way to keep the many scattered people of our tribe in the know and make sure you don't miss out on any key events. I just find myself losing track of the time and a month slips past me.

The first order of business is we're still in escrow on the Seminole Drive property. Yes it has been over 5 months and yes we're feeling the strain of that. If this property was not absolutely perfect for our big Queer Village we wouldn't still be here waiting to see what happens. The seller is now trying their last ditch efforts to get financing for the sale. The property itself is fairly unique and that's what keeps getting us rejected. If anyone has any real estate mojo please send it our way, we need every little bit of good intentions you can spare to push this through.

We had a black out here in San Diego which you may or may not of heard of in the news. It started with a few panicked folks in the family but quickly turned into an impromptu dinner by candle light with us sitting in the cool night air and star gazing. We pulled out our crank radio to listen to the hysteria fueled reporting that stressed to us that "this was NOT a terrorist attack" and to "remain calm". The kids ran around with flashlights and we shifted ice from the freezer outside to the fridge to keep our perishables from perishing. We snacked and played with the kids till bedtime and then the adults sat in the front yard and chatted the hours away. It was decided to have a sleep over with the families so we all bunkered down for the night. All in all it was a wonderful experience that the kids loved and the adults cherished.

The kids started school - Tre in the 1st grade, Nani in Kinder and Sidhha moved to the Otters room at the SDSU Children's Center. Tre's new teacher - Mrs. Curtis - is wonderful. We are relieved and grateful that we got a better match than we did in Kinder. She seems very competent and has a steady presence in the classroom. She knows how to handle energetic boys and we haven't gotten a trace of any prejudice towards him or his family. Nani was overjoyed to be placed in Mrs. Webb's class since she was Tre's teacher last year but the parents not so much. Though she will thrive I think with Mrs. Webb since Nani fits the model of what a student should be for her class, the girls are less than excited about her lack of enthusiasm and inability to handle a way range of kids. We are all grateful this is her last year of teaching and that Siddha will have no chance of being placed with her. Speaking of the Bean, she moved with Mr. David and the rest of her classmates to the toddler room and seems to be making a smooth transition. The classroom is very different from the infant cottage rooms. There are interactive elements all over the place - a light board, various sensory tables, books, toys and art centers. The outdoor area is equally stimulant laden. Overall everyone is off to a good start with the school year.

The dads went on a fabulous trip to Las Vegas! We were in town to see some friend visiting from the Midwest and the East Coast who were in town for a podcasting event so we decided to pop out and say hello. It synced up with Vegas Gay Pride so it was a double word score for us. The hotel, the Paris, was wonderful and charming with a great buffet to boot. We saw Zumanity, a local troupe of the Cirque de Soliel and a great female impersonator show called Divas. We went to the Pride Parade and then dancing afterwards with a great drag show and incredible go-go dancers. We stayed up late, ate great food and slept till noon. We talked and talked as well which was a huge treat for us. We struggle to find significant amounts of time to talk to each other about our happenings and what's going on in our heads. Thanks to the girls for watching the kids and making the weekend away possible.

I passed three kidney stones and if you were around for the last time it was much the same. Unrelenting pain, drugs, and nausea. Rinse and repeat - that was a week of my life. Back to the doctor's to see what we need to do to stop this from happening - not looking to make it a part of my yearly planner.

Halloween and October is a busy time for us. We do the Family Matters Halloween Carnival, the Boo Parade and it's festival, trick or treating and decorating the girl's pass for passing out candy plus no fewer than 5 family birthdays. This year Nani was a fairy princess, Siddha was a dragon and a fairy while Tre was Pocoyo and Dan (a character from Bakukan). The dads wore Mardi Gras masks for one dress up event and wings to be fairy daddies for another. Lisa did a great gypsy mystic and Monica was a radical fairy with a great dress. I will try to get the pictures up from the events up on Flickr in the next week or so for your viewing pleasure.

We had a great dinner out with my dad for his birthday at City Deli in Hillcrest. He was tickled pink to get his birthday cards as a Grandad. He seems to have taken to the new role of Grandparent and it's great to see him light up when he sees the kids. We got him a balloon bundle as large as him and had a lovely dinner chatting and laughing. Tre got to pick music off a juke box and Siddha got to eat pickles which made the night a roaring success for her.

Lisa had a great dinner at Dumpling Inn, a feast of dumplings and other dishes. The place is tiny and we took over 1/4 of the joint with our celebration of her birth. Siddha spent the night sitting on my lap - feeding herself and me throughout the meal. My shorts were soaked through with soup from being spoon fed by her. Tre was an incredibly brave eater, a real risk taker for him. He tried everything at the table and even asked for more of most of it. Nani was her usual happy self and happily ate dumplings while chatting with the family.

Larry had his birthday at the beginning of October and we went to Kous Kous, a local Moroccan restaurant that's in the basement of an office building in Hillcrest. The decor is rich and colorful, fabric everywhere and dark woods. We had a large table and enjoyed great food, service and company. The kids had a great time as well which was a surprise. The place isn't exactly child friendly but they all enjoyed it. Tre was open to the new food, Nani was ok with sharing her moms with the other guests and Siddha was very patient as the food was brought out. We sipped tea, nibbled on delicacies, and had a lively conversation throughout. A wonderful evening to celebrate a wonderful man.

Lisa, Monica and I went to the Bead & Gem Faire up in Del Mar. It's great to have others who share my passion and love of the event. We drove up and wandered for hours amongst the booths and vendors. I found several great bargains and the items I needed to complete several projects - a number of which were Christmas gifts. Lisa and Monica experienced equal measures of success on their shipping forays. We all drove back sharing our bargains and acquisitions . I look forward to the next time it's in town.

That's it for now from us. We still wait to see what will happen with Seminole. We are gearing up for Thanksgiving and Christmas here. We host several large gatherings at the end of the year so please let us know if you can make any of them. Thanksgiving dinner, the Tree Decorating Party, Christmas Cookie Bake Off, Christmas Eve Dinner or Christmas Day Dinner and of course, the New Year's Eve Party. Come one and come all - we love to host you and see you.

Hopefully I will post before next year. Keep your fingers crossed. :)

Two Months, One Post

Sorry for missing last month's blog entry. I got swept along in all the happenings here at the house and with our family that I lost track of the time.

First, we still don't have the house at Seminole Drive yet but we are throwing everything we got at it right now. Sadly, the options have been whittled down and we're only left with a few more things left to try and then it's done and over with. Though honestly we can say that we tried our hardest to secure the place for our families and can walk away feeling emotionally in the clear about it. We are beginning to compile a new list of houses to start looking at next week so we can keep the momentum going on finding a place for the tribe to settle in the near future.

We took a trip to Gearhart, Oregon this month and had a freaking fantastic time with the Calohs. We arrived in Portland and stayed a night with Carol, Bill's sister and got a chance to see their new old house (long story) while she and Jay got a chance to spend time with the rest of the family especially the kids. Our dinner was at a group of gourmet food trucks which are popular in the city or so we have been told. The next morning we ate blueberry pancakes while visiting with Lydia, Carol's daughter who dropped by for breakfast. After that we headed out to OMSI for the morning.

The kids had a fabulous time wandering there for most of the day. They checked a bunch of exhibits out - an submarine that was parked in the river nearby, a Narnia exhibit with armor and costumes, and a huge hall dedicated to video games and their history. We grabbed some lunch there and Grammie Jo joined us in Portland as well as meeting up with some local friends. After lunch we hung out a little while longer then packed everyone up to head up the coast to Gearhart.

We stayed at Gearhart by the Sea for a week. Bill, Larry and I had stayed there before for two different family reunions and really enjoyed our time. In particular, staying in the Pacific Terrace section. If you look on the facilities tab then click View Facility Map - we were in number 401 so right out our back door was some grass then the beach. It was an incredible view of the sky and just open space. Everyone got to just relax and enjoy the company. The week itself passed slowly so you really could feel the time spent there and it was marvelous.

While we were there we did some berry picking (Lisa is a crazed were-bear about berries), bonfire and home made caramel corn (thanks Grammie Joe) on the beach, kite flying, jam and syrup making (thanks to Lisa), some outlet shopping, excursions to the beach itself, rode a 6 person bike around Seaside, swimming, and great home cooked dinners in the evenings. Napping and catching up on lost sleep was also an activity pursued with some vigor. All in all it was an auspicious first Big Family vacation. The kids watched a bunch of Hayao Miyazaki animated films we bought just for the trip. Kiki's Delivery Service, Ponyo, and My Neighbor Totoro to name a few.

We also had Pride since last I posted. We marched with the Center again this year as part of the Family Matters contingent. The kids rode bikes or in wagons while adults supervised. This year was the 1st time military personnel marched openly as their own group and while I am not a big fan of the armed forces it was uplifting to see my queer people proud and acknowledged. There were veterans and the currently enlisted, running the whole spectrum of age as well as the transgendered. It was a gift to be there for that moment and to be able to say I was there and share with others who were not.

We camped in the Children's Garden at the festival after the parade, grabbing some food from the incredible selection of vendors then watched the kids play. play and play some more. Our group got very musical this year with dancing and karaoke at a small dance floor they have set up. Hula hoops were employed to maximum effect and face painting was enjoyed. As always it was gratifying to see other families and their children in the queer space and meet up with all the other parents we know raising queerspawn in the San Diego area. Granddad Don and Pappi Michael came by and visited as well as others. It was a long and enjoyable day.

My sister was also out for a visit for about a week with her family including the newest member AJ. They stayed with us so the cousins got plenty of time to reconnect and foster their relationships to each other. My sister cooked the dinners while she was here and we all ate like gods. The woman can cook and we can eat! Her kids are sooooooo much bigger now and really coming into their own personalties and identities. We also got the chance to meet Hugo, AJ's dad since he came along for the visit. It was great to finally meet him as well. AJ was cute in that way that only a baby can be. I was happy they made the drive out from Texas to see us.

Tre was promoted to 1st grade at Birney where his class did a musical number. He got great marks all around with an advanced mark in Reading (thanks Sylvan Learning Center) and immediately following the promotion there was an outdoor picnic with food and games. He was excited to be a 1st grader and of course it also meant he was going to go to camp. Both he and Nani went to Camp Cahito this summer vacation in Balboa Park. They did archery, cooking, and survival skills while there. They come home caked in mud and dirt so they seem to be having the times of their lives. Several of their friends also attended: Nia, Nathaniel, and Gabriel were a few that were there as well.

Siddha moved to the Otters classroom at the SDSU Children's Center and made a relatively smooth transition. The room is definitely more toddler geared - the things to interact with boggles the mind. It feels like a brain growing room with adults in it. It's great to see her make friends and continue to develop her language skills. She is throwing out words left and right along with what we think our sentences but we haven't quite grasped all her vocabulary.

This summer also had swim lessons for Tre (I told you we were busy) at the Murray Callan swim school in Pacific Beach. He was there with Emma, Nathaniel and Nia. He only took one lesson to remember everything he had learned last summer and then he was off picking up new stuff like diving and different methods of swimming. It was great to hang out with the adults as well in one of those rare moments where someone else was watching our children. I think next year the Bean will be joining the swim crowd for lessons and maybe a way to get some daddy time in for her.

The last bit is the departure of Dan and Megan for their move to Portland, Oregon. We had a good bye dinner last night at Hash House with the whole family to wish them well on their new home and city. Dan got this very sweet and touching tattoo of the silhouettes of everyone in the family in chronological order that Megan drew. He unveiled it at dinner and it was beautiful. It has been awesome having them here while the kids were young and having them be a part of family traditions. I feel so confident now that the children will know and feel connected to two people I respect and admire so much. If you're in Portland let us know and we'll make introductions.

That's everything and I have learned not to skip a month because my fingers hurt. :) I have pictures from all the events mentioned above and will do my best to get them loaded up to Flickr in the near future as well as some older photos that we got scanned and preserved. Shots of us as kids and our pre-child lives. I hope everyone is well and as usual we welcome visitors!

Still Waiting

Howdy all!

As the title says we're still waiting for close escrow on the Seminole Drive house. We hit a snag with the bank, appraisers and the seller. At this point we have to wait for them all to work it out and then get back to us. We're still pretty positive about getting the place just have to wait them out and let them iron out the details between themselves. We did all the inspections and while the house needs some minor repairs, there was nothing that popped up to deter from staying in escrow. Keep your fingers crossed for them to get it all settled and us closing in the next few weeks.

We had the Bean's birthday as I mentioned at Kid Ventures and I we're for sure going back next year. It was the best kids birthday party we've had. You show up and they do everything else. You actually get to visit with the other parents and interact with the kids during the party. They did games with the kids and adults throughout the party. We had access to a coffee bar so parents could stay caffeinated and hydrated. All the kids loved the castle, pirate ship, grocery store, disco, fire station and climbing wall. All the areas had chests filled with dress up clothes matched the nearby play structure so we soon had pirates, princesses, disco divas and knights running around the party. The staff moved the party to the cake and candle blowing easily. Then at the party's end they had all her gifts loaded up in a wagon for us to wheel out to the car. It was so effortlessly and easy. We loved it! Consider this a recommendation for Kid Ventures.

We took the kids to the Del Mar Fair again this year. It was Siddha's first time and Tre's second. Tre actually performed at the fair with Heartlight - an after school dance aerobics program for elementary age children. He did a great job and danced on stage for his whole family. Don't worry we took video and picture of it. He was so proud that he was able to provide his own ticket for the fair along with one dad. The parking space we were provided was perfect - right outside the gate so it was an easy walk after a day of fair games and rides. The Calohs joined us though Siddha had to leave a little early since the fair was a bit much for her after awhile though she had a great time running around right at the opening when they were hardly any crowds. Prizes were won and fair food eaten. All in all a great time. Check out my Facebook page for pictures of the kids at the fair.

Father's Day was excellent. Lisa, Leng and Monica made us an incredible spread for brunch. We had three types of sausage, waffles, crepes with sweet and savory options, scrambled eggs, and three different juices. Check out Bill's Facebook page for a picture of the spread. We got some rocking gifts including the book Go the Fuck to Sleep. Check out an excerpt from the same book being read by Samuel L Jackson on the Letterman show. We also got a book of excerpts from the website Sh*t My Kids Ruined which is a pleasure to read especially if you have children possessed of boundless energy and limited sense. We also got a delightful book of.....what we'll call Daddy exercises to try at home in the privacy of one's bedroom. After that fabulous brunch we packed all the siblings up and headed down to the Southwestern Yacht Club to have an early dinner with my dad. The kids had a great time running around my dad's boat and playing all over it. The food was wonderful and it was a relaxing time with my dad and Michael. I put up photos from that day as well on Facebook so feel free to check for them.

Bill and I celebrated our 14th anniversary by going to Big Cat Cabin in Julian for a weekend. Many thanks to Larry for working out the time and childcare coverage for us to go. We slept (which was heavenly), read and bopped into town for some used bookstore shopping and picked up goodies for everyone back home. It was sweet to be back in a pre-kid Bill and Torrey space for a few days. We talked and soaked in claw foot tubs, watched movies snuggled under comforters and cooked meals for one another. A great way to reconnect and relax.

Lisa and I have taken several field trips to various city offices to look up permitting and zoning on the Seminole property. We have encountered the usual colorful group of city/state employees and actually had some great lunch time chats after. Thanks out to Monica for helping out with Nani so we could brave the bureaucracy. It looks like all our future plans for the lot are doable. The Calohs can build their home and a home for Leng's parents. All our additions are permitted and legal.

We've began to purge in preparations for the move to the new house - whatever new house it turns out to be. If for some reason this place falls out of escrow we're going to continue to look for a bigger place. So we have begun going room to room and touching everything to make sure its something we need and want so we don't pack up things and move them only to get rid of them at the new place. Once again Monica (she's a heroine) has been a great help with the purging and cleaning. We have already starting up the donations runs of toys, clothing and the odd bit of furniture to various charities in town.

As always please feel free to stop by for a visit - we welcome the company!

McMansions & Compounds

Back again for the monthly update of the Stouder-Studenmund family. As we have been saying for some time we need a bigger house and more bathrooms - please more bathrooms. Well we were on the remodel track with our current house and were getting everything laid out and in place when we started having some talks with the Calohs (Leng, Lisa & Nani) about our vision of a blended family.

Now for most people reading this I feel fairly confident that you know what I mean by "blended family" but just in case I have a new reader present I will explain. We started having kids faced with the common many queers face when deciding to reproduce - how? Lacking key elements to do so you are required to branch out to many different solutions - surrogacy, domestic adoption vs. international adoption, foster to adopt, etc. We talked and talked and talked and talked till we decided to do a blend of a lot of different things. We adopted Tre as a foster to adopt child and we used surrogacy for Nani and Siddha. So we have children sort of blurring the lines between the two families. We are mothers and fathers - aunts and uncles - primary and secondary caregivers - you get the picture. Our Queer Village.

So discussing our vision of a blended family we came back to the idea which has stuck with us of having a living situation where the kids flow naturally and effortlessly from one house to the next. So Leng did a search and found a property - 4848 Seminole Drive - it is perfect for our needs. The house is wonderful and has plenty of space for everyone including our newest addition to the family - Monica. Bathrooms to preserve the peace and plenty of room on the lot for the Calohs to build another house on it. It's still in incorporated San Diego and not very far from our current house. Further signs things are falling into place is my father needing a new place to live in the near future so we can rent this house to him without a lot of frustration or uncertainty of renting to strangers. Long story short we have put in a bid for the property and hopefully next month my blog post will be about us moving in.

This has made us realize that if we remodel this place into a McMansion - we will have no further room to grow except up to a 3rd story so getting a bigger place is the new action plan. Our hope is this place since it is zoned and has the room for the Calohs to build on so keep your fingers crossed for us. The decision to move has brought with it a series of necessary but unpleasant tasks such as purging the house of clutter and packing up with kids in tow but it is the best course of action so away we go!

We went to Nathaniel's 5th birthday and had a wonderful time. Check Flikcr for the posted pictures from the event. We always enjoy our time with the Musicos and I love seeing our kids together. I'm not sure if our children will be close friends when they grow up but at the very least they will know other people with same type of family and we have other parents to bond with over raising our queerspawn.

We have Siddha's second birthday coming up on Saturday at Kid Ventures. The time continues to zip by and here she is in her full glory as a toddler. She is talking in 3 to 4 words sentences and continues to express herself all over the place. This last weekend Auntie Monica gave her some fresh mint to smell and she wandered through the house to the dads asking them to "smhall" it and putting it under our noses. She is picking up words here and there as we talk with her trying to teach her what things are called. It's a delight to watch her acquire language and a rare joy offered to us in the act of raising her.

Tre has mastered shoe tying and is jubilant about the fact. We have started taking him to the Hillcrest Farmer's Market and letting him learn about commerce. He goes with ten dollars and then has to budget how to spend his money while there. He is learning about bartering, delayed gratification and about how he relates to the people he shops from. All the vendors there have been great. They have answered all his questions and seem delighted to have a young person inquiring about their farms and animals. He is making the connections between himself and the people around him - how him buying things starts a chain reaction of events. Lunch there lets him try to be a more adventurous eater - not one of Tre's strong points but knowing the people has made him more bold and knowing the food was made from ingredients he can see and touch has removed some of his trepidation in trying new foods.

We had a rough patch of about two weeks around Mother's Day but that seems to be smoothing out. We have been acknowledging the feeling but reinforcing the reality of his situation. He wants to hear that Michelle (his birth mother) cared/cares about him which is completely natural but as children his age do he started making things or inventing scenarios that showed what he needed.

Tre: "Michelle came to my 3rd birthday."

Dad: "No bud but I bet she wanted to and if she could've she would have been there."

Tre: "I'm coming to live with Michelle."

Dad: "I bet she would love to have you with her but right now this is the best place for you."

You see the pattern - good news is this is proving to be much easier to deal with then we thought. It seems clear he wants to know he matters to her and that she cares for him. Thanks to trust and love he has for us - telling him how she does care about him addresses that need for him. All the Aunties have been incredibly helpful - having women around him that love and support him goes a long way and we are extremely thankful for their love and devotion.

I wish his teacher could have been more supportive about it. She talked with me about Tre's recent behavior - how he was more fragile lately and prone to acting out with her. I explained that the push at school about Mother's Day (art projects, cards, books, etc) can be harder for an adopted child to which she looked surprised and blinked a few times and replied. "Oh...I hadn't thought of that." In my head I casually reached over and strangled her - ending her and Tre's suffering in one decisive act but instead I said. "Yes as I have mentioned before sometimes Tre's needs and reactions are going to differ due to that fact." I keep telling myself the year with her is almost over and that helps.

Grammy Jo arrives tomorrow afternoon and the kids are excited. As I have said in the past she is a rockstar of a grandparent. She makes time for multiple visits throughout the year and is keenly interested in the kids and getting to know them. We have never seen any difference in the way she relates to any of the children - all of them are her grandkids and they feel that blanket acceptance. We have a couple of activities lined up for her week long stay and we have plans to talk to her about the extra bedroom we have in the new house for her and to make it clear our intention for her to come stay with us when its time. Larry feels very strongly about caring for her like she did him and making a place for her in our lives and the lives of our children. Wish us luck!

That's everything from us here in San Diego - hopefully the next post will be all about the Compound we're trying to buy and build here. :) As always feel free to visit us - the more the merrier!

Spring Break

So this entire month has been Spring Break for us since the kids are on a year round track at school. Tre did a few weeks of an after school program that the Birney offers during the vacations and spent some time just playing at home. It was great timing since A-ma has been here in the states for the entire month as well. They have all gotten time to see her and spend time with her which is always wonderful to see and help be a part of. We took a trip to the zoo, the kids went to the Wild Animal Park and hosted several playdates here with neighborhood kids.

The dads went to Santa Cruz for a long weekend and we had a blast. We saw old friends (thanks for making the time all), ate some great food, bought and read books (a rare treat right now with kids), slept in and saw a movie. We found a hotel that we love and is now our official spot to stay when visiting SC. Though I think we've decided to fly up from now on instead of driving - to get more time on the actual trip without increasing it's length. Many thanks to Lisa, Leng, A-ma and Monica for looking after our children - making the trip possible. It also gave some time to just spend with each other which was awesome. We came back happy and rested dads.

Had my 39th birthday this month and it was just lovely. We went out for dim sum and I was greeted with a HUGE ballon sculpture - really it was bigger than a person. Our friend Joy was down with her daughter so that was an added bonus and my husbands got me an incredible mango cake for the Lemon Grove Bakery - a place we feel in love with when they made our wedding cake. We go there for all our cakes now. I got a great new man-bag or he-purse - happy as can be. I also picked up some new music as well. I am looking forward to 40 since that's the year I get my tattoos.

The night out to see Quidam was awesome and the dinner before hand was great. The evening was filled with conversation, laughter and art so perfection. It had been awhile since we had been out with all the parents and no kids so it was a treat to talk about something other than schedules and current toddler fueled challenges. It's nice to get the balance of your life as a parent and your life as an individual - to able to nurture those relationships that you had outside of family life or at least feeling like you can engage parts of yourself and your experience that is not just about kids. :)

The remodel is chugging along. We have the funds and we're getting our plans updated to bring them up to code. We have narrowed it down to two contractors and just need to talk to them about schedules. Not looking forward to the actual remodel but eager for the extra rooms in the house. We are planning a big purge through out the house to only really have things we need or want in the hopes to really be able to spread things out a little bit more after the remodel. I will be starting the hunt for a storage unit to put things to get them out the way and some posting action on Craigslist to sell off the things we won't need anymore - mostly kitchen items that are included as built ins in the plans. The extra money will help buy new appliances and some decorative items for the new spaces.

Easter was a success. We had a large gathering for brunch with tons of food, Easter baskets, egg hunts (yes plural we attended a few as well), and family bonding. We hosted and the weather was with us and we were able to eat in the backyard. Larry made biscuits and gravy as usual and it was greeted with the usual enthusiasm. We seem to be having a pretty successful time of integrating more of Lisa's family into our holiday gatherings which eases the strain of running from holiday event to holiday event. Nothing like trying to eat multiple Christmas meals or Thanksgiving turkeys. :)

That's it for us - hope everyone had a great Easter and as usual we welcome visitors to the Zoo whenever possible. :)

The Verge of Verbal

As the title says the Bean is just about there for talking and by talking I mean in a way that other people than her primary caregivers can understand. She has been using modified sign language for awhile now with us and at the SDSU Children's Center. She has help, more, done, please, different, movie, eat, milk, sleep, and diaper change. All of which has been incredible helpful when dealing with a spirited young lass such as she. She has now created a modified language for herself and us which includes such phrases as:

"No K K no!" (No cat no)

"Ease!" (please)

"Tae" (Tre)

"Na na" (Nani)

"Da Da" (daddy)

"My uck!" (my duck)

"Ganks!" (thanks)

"Yo!" (yogurt)

"Bah!" (box as in juice box)

"No no no!" (no translation required)

I suspect by next month's post she will be talking in a more conventional manner with us. She is still a passionate little toddler convinced of her own notions and ideas. Daily are the struggles of her versus the objects around her as she attempts to strong arm doors, chairs, cats, people, and vacuums. She has been teething and getting the last few teeth she is missing and as is her way she is doing them in batches - no half steps for our little Bean.

Nani turned 5 and it was glorious! By glorious I mean loud and distinctly geared for the 3-6 age group. We all gathered at Chuck E. Cheese's (I included the link for those readers without small children somewhere in their lives so they behold the wonder that is) and let the giant rat or possibly mouse entertain us. The kids went to a land of light, sound, and sugar that will be long remembered. The parents were sweetly numb by the party's end - having been subdued by the same said light, sound, and sugar. Nani was radiant - that really is the only word for it. She was given a crown and her Auntie Meggie made her a custom order cake with beyblades on top of it. Click to learn more. :) I have uploaded the pictures to Flickr so feel free to take a look. I know will be receiving requests for more parties there in the future. You have been warned.

Tre, we learned this week, is one of the top 2 readers in his class and is proficient in all areas. While we are overjoyed at his progress we know it had little to do with his teacher at this point and we squarely lay the laurel wreaths at his feet, Sylvan Learning Center, and his speech therapist at Birney Elementary. He also received an award for his academic achievements in an assembly. He is on track for 1st grade and during his month off for Spring Break he'll be heading back to Sylvan (when told he danced around and cheered) to focus on his writing and a little more work on his reading skills - more of a refresher with that. He helped raise money for a librarian and an art program at his school (things are grim here for schools and their budgets) by participating in a jog-a-thon. He raised over 100.00 dollars in the event so thanks to family that sponsored him. The Kindergarden classes raised the most money and his classroom was the room that raised the most. Birney did hit the goal and beat it so next year there will be a Librarian and art at his school.

The dads are chugging along. We have a night out planned for this Friday to see Quidam, the newest offering from the Cirque du Soleil. We have enjoyed every tour that we have gotten the chance to see and are excited to see yet another. The mothers Caloh will be joining us along with my dad Don and his partner Michael. We will be having dinner at Kous Kous before the show. Then the following weekend all the dads are packing up the car and heading to Santa Cruz for a long weekend (thanks to the girls plus Monica for taking the kids so we can get away for our yearly dad vacation) of relaxing and catching up with friends. We will make the rounds to the Tea House and Mobo to name a few.

That's all for this month and I hope to report some significant progress on the remodel of the Zoo (1 bathroom for 4 adults and 2 kids is getting a little pinched) when next I post. As always we welcome visitors year round and much love to all!