We're Pregnant!

Hi again (time has eluded me once again) after a long pause. We've had a ton of things happen here at the house and in our lives. First is the announcement of us being pregnant or rather I should say Leng is. Many of you know what a roller coaster ride it has been with us trying to get/have kids. It appears after the years (oh my god!! it's been years!!) of struggle and soul searching we're right here with Tre and Baby X (since we don't know the gender yet we've been using that moniker for the new baby). Like clockwork Leng got pregnant on the 3rd try (just like Nani) but we've been waiting to tell people after the 1st trimester had passed. We wanted to avoid telling everyone and having something go wrong and having to tell people over and over again about the loss. But everything is going great and nothing has popped up.

To answer a few questions that pop up a lot we're hoping for a girl though will be just as tickled with a boy. We do want to know the gender but have to wait a little longer before they can tell us. The baby is biologically related to myself and Leng (my swimmers - our polite word for you know what and Leng's egg). The name we have picked out for a girl is Sidda and we are completely at a loss for a boy name so feel free to send suggestions our way if you have any favorite names. The baby's projected due date is early June/late July. We are having a baby shower early next year before the due date. All the OB appointments have been fine and we're sailing along with out any hitches thus far.

We've started telling Tre about the baby growing in Auntie Leng's tummy and he's been wrapping his brain around. It's helped we've had a nursery set up since he came to live with us so it has been a part of physical reality for some time. We've had several discussions about the bed where the baby will sleep and the changing table where the baby will get changed/ He seems positive and excited about it. I think he likes the idea of getting another title added to himself of brother. He has been asking what people will be after the baby leaves Auntie Leng's belly.

"What will I be?"

"You'll be a big brother."

"What will Auntie Leng be?"

"She'll be the baby's birth mother."

"What will you be?

"I will still be a daddy, yours and the babys."

It's been strange to reopen ourselves to the reality of actually having a baby. We had put the idea/concept aside and had embraced adoption. I personally accustomed myself to the notion that a group of relative strangers would be dictating how I raised my child till they were adopted. That all the major decisions until then would be compromises and negotiations with several different agencies and social workers. Now to have the options again to just raise a child as we see fit instead of by popular vote is refreshing and alien. So many things we had lamented not being able to do are now available. Like getting a call and finding out your car wasn't totaled but rather still sitting in your driveway ready to drive. While weird it has been a delight to have the power again with this baby.

Speaking of adoptions, the Boy has his .26 hearing coming up Dec 16th. Cross your fingers that the courts move quickly and take us closer to being able to make Tre a permanent part of our growing family. I have had several social worker visits, tests and evaluations these past weeks as people scrabble to get reports ready and submitted on time to the court for the hearing. Tre's adoption worker Catherine is going to try to get the judge to sever parental rights and set the date for the adoption at the next hearing as opposed to setting a date to set the date to adopt him (your tax dollars hard at work). We are hoping it works out that way.

With all the testing we've found out how much progress Tre has made with us. When he came to us he was below average/borderline deficient the developmental survey they give toddlers to chart their motor skills, verbal and reasoning. He scored below average borderline average just last week. the score for average is 90 and he scored a 89. The psychologist was visibly impressed by his improvement and during the Q&A portion of the interview was incredibly happy to hear about all the service we had advocated for him and that he was receiving. She said she was going to include a personal note in the survey about how passionate and committed she thought we were to Tre and his life. It was gratifying to hear and to have our efforts validated. It was nice to look up from the work we've been doing and say "Hey we did make some progress here!"

The Boy's birthday party was a great time. We had BBQ, balloons and kids. A perfect children's party in my opinion. He got a whole day of running from room to room with other kids trailing after him. He had a Batman cake with a motorcycle on it to keep. It was incredible to be with our family and friends, seeing their genuine love for him. I am struck anew by how much my life has changed and how thankful I am for the people that make up our village. When he finally went to bed that night we had the following chat.

"It was my birthday."

"It was."

"These are my balloons."

"You can have some balloons but we should share some with Nani and Nia."

"Why did I have a party?"

"Because everyone was so happy that you were born and we wanted you to know how happy you make us by being here."

"Everyone?'

"Yes everyone."

"I'm a good boy."

"Yes you are."

His present from us was a trip to Disneyland as I mentioned in my previous post since he was tall enough to ride most of the rides. We drove up and soon realized after we parked that they were fires in LA so as a result we spent the day in a post apocalyptic version of the happiest place on earth. We had California snow (ash) raining down all around us. At noon the light was dim like sunset and the sun was a baleful red orb like something you'd see hanging over Mordor. It had no effect on Tre whatsoever. He ran all over Toontown and had a blast. We saw all manner of things that were sized perfectly for him. We toured all manner of character houses (Mickey, Minnie, Donald, etc). We took a quick break from the ash and ate lunch indoors only to return to Toontown for another round of play and exploration. He had some candy, got a Finding Nemo baseball cap and picked out hats for his younger relatives and family friends.

After leaving there we went to Bill Bailey's house for a wonderful evening of playing, baking cookies, watching movies and having a sleep over in a tent. It was great to see the Boy playing with James and Jasmine. They all get along so well and really seem to enjoy each other's company. I of course, dig the gay dad vibe in the house and enjoy having a kindred spirit to talk shop with. Bill's house is completely kid friendly and sets you at ease. I normally find it hard to sleep in a new place but had no problems that night. After the kids went down we all watched a movie with swear words, half naked men and drag queens (The Bird Cage) and it was a delight. The next morning was three happy children racing in to see Larry and I asleep on an aero bed in the living room. Bill after cooking dinner for us the night before (a rare treat to not have to prepare a meal) made us breakfast as well. We decided to try to get together at least once a month with the Bailey family since it was a great experience for everyone.

Thanksgiving is just a few days away (EEEKKK!!) and we're having my family over as usual. This year will be only my brothers since my sister and her family just moved to Texas a few months ago and are in no shape to travel out here. The Calohs will be here as well as Katie and her daughter Nia. We're looking at about 14 to 16 people here for the great feast. I went shopping this morning with Lisa and bought all the supplies for the meal (thank all the little gods and goddesses for CostCo). I love having people gather at our home for the holidays. It's great to have smiling faces and happy voices fill the house. It was something sadly lacking in my own early childhood and something I cherished about my dad's house. We often had the strays and loners to our house for Thanksgiving and it's a tradition I've carried forth.

Then right after that we have Grammy Joe (Larry's momma Joanie) visiting for 8 days and to meet Tre for the 1st time. She had such a wonderful visit before and easily bonded with Nani during it that I have no worries about her ability to form a connection with Tre while she's here. She's also planning on coming out right after the baby is born to help us out for a few weeks which is just fantastic. She really has put out the effort to be involved in our lives and with our family despite living out of state and has quickly earned my admiration for it. She has been a great sounding board as well during the adoption process.

Ok that's about it for the last few weeks, as before I am trying to get the pictures from everything mentioned above on to Flickr but our camera was lost (we bought a new one to make sure we can get shots for turkey day and Joanie's visit) and I am trying to get copies of photos from other people who were taking pictures so hang in there.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Wedding

We made it! The wedding happened and we're all still here in one piece. It was a great ceremony and it was wonderful to see Dan & Megan together surrounded by friends and family. I still haven't had a chance to get some photos of the day uploaded to Flcker but I will try over the next week so keep an eye out.

So the last week was hectic to say the least. We ended in a hotel for most of the week due to plumbing problems at the house. They had to tear out most of the bathroom to fix a leak in the wall so we've been without water and unable to wash up. Lisa & Leng have been nice enough to let us shuttle over to their place to get washed up when we need to. So Dan & Megan had their after party for their wedding here at our place so we were able to get the toilet working and water so the party happened without a hitch. Add to it the street work right in front of our house so we can't even park in our own driveway. So noise outside from street work and noise inside to fix the plumbing = not much peace and quiet here at home. The upside to the bathroom repair is we're getting a much better tub in the deal and the insurance is covering a big chunk of the cost . The repairs should be complete by the end of this week and will be back to normal. :)

The Boy was adorable at the wedding as a hobbit, the wedding has a LoTR theme to it so there were elves, hobbits and men in armor all around. They had candy for the kids to find and an activity table for the kids to make their own trick or treat bags. There was yummy food and hip music to boot. We all had a lovely afternoon at the event and it was great to see my dad marry another happy couple in my life. After the wedding we rested at the hotel and then Tre went out trick or treating with his Aunties and the girls (Nia and Nani). He had a blast and has enough candy to last him until the next Halloween easy. 

This week has been hard on all of us with being uprooted from home and the stress that comes from large house projects. Add to it our growing concern over Tre. I was speaking with a friend from up north - Jennifer and she passed on sagely wisdom. Letting us know that his behavior getting worse or him having a harder time was an excellent sign that he was getting better. The Boy has been having crying jags here and there that explode out of nowhere so we've been having to be a little more flexible of late. We'll be doing bath time or getting dressed for school and he'll start to cry and want to be held. So I think we're doing the right things with and for him it can be a little bit of an emotional roller coaster for us. I can see him struggling to make sense of everything we just need to hang in there and give him the time/space to do it.

We have the Boy's birthday this Wednesday and we're having a birthday BBQ for him this Sunday at our house. We'll have eats and a big group over to celebrate the happy occasion with us. For his present we're going to take him to Disneyland and then visit Bill Bailey and his kids that evening for dinner and a slumber party. I'm looking forward to chasing Tre around the park and riding every ride that catches his eye and Larry is equally jazzed about the idea. It's also an opportunity for Billsers to get a chance to recharge his batteries and have some space for himself. It's a win/win scenario for all involved.

That's all for now but stay tuned for more updates.