We've been going to appointments left and right over the last month. Been meeting with Midwifes and Doulas (I know more about the vagina than most women - what happened to my gay life?) to find the perfect fit for our special situation. We found a great woman (Vickii) who is a lesbian and has her office just up the street from us. She has done adoption births before and is a member of our community so it feels very natural and easy to explain our blended/extended family structure to her. She seems aggressive (which I love) but respectful (essential to this scenario) to our needs and how this birth will differ from a traditional home birth. Met with the Doula Amy and she also is very keen to make sure we have everything figured out so everyone gets the space they need while still having a successful birth at home.
We got a letter sent home that Tre's school is more than likely going to be closed next year due to budget issues here in our area with the public schools. We of course were crushed but the news. We felt we had lucked out with our placement at Carver. Not only was his teacher young and energetic but eager to embrace our alternative family, but the principal was a good friend of our gay dad in arms Bill Bailey. We felt connected and sheltered from some of the very possible difficulties we face with schools. So our year of breathing room to decide what to do next with the Boy's education was cut to about 5 to 6 months tops.
We've quickly realized that Tre's ability to learn and grow are tied to his emotional comfort. He needs to feel safe and connected to the adults which takes time for him. The idea of having to hop from program to program or school to school was not appealing. We were bouncing around the idea of private education especially in light of an article we had brought to our attention from my dad. There is a split in me at least about it. On one hand I believed very strongly in public education as a means to improve a society and believe that it can meet the needs of its students with the right resources and staff but I also recognize that Tre faces very different issues at school than most kids. A private education allows us to select an environment that will address him as a whole person and give him the resources he'll need on a daily basis to succeed. We could remove some of the challenges for him but simply selecting a private school whose philosophy would work with his special situation. The final line for us is that we are a family with a child who has special needs and we have the resources to get him what he needs so we're going to. In doing so, we free up resources for a family that may not have the same options as we do to utilize those same said (dwindling I might add) resources.
So a flurry of more tours and interviews was set up to check out preschools and K-8 schools. Our master plan to make the Boy more smarter was preschool for another year to give him more time to adjust and close the gaps in his developmental delays followed by K-8. We want to minimize the adjustment period from school to school so we wanted a school that would take him up to high school. We looked for places that had similar methods/philosophies so it would be a good fit for the two. I think we've succeeded.
For preschool he will be going to the Unitarian Cooperative Preschool in September. Ironically, this place is way hippy dippy and not a place I would naturally gravitate too but it's an awesome place for him. They see all of his differences as outstanding things to be celebrated and cherished. During the tour it took him all of five minutes to jump in and join the class which for Tre is nothing short of miraculous. Seeing this as a clear sign of divine will I questioned the director about my concerns (academic standards, credentials, ratios, discipline methods, etc - thanks to Jen and Katie for helping me flesh out my list) and found all the answers more than satisfactory. My father has had a long standing relationship with the Unitarian church as an affiliate minster (those who didn't know my papa works for God - bishop grade) and had great things to say about them. That all pretty much sealed the deal for the preschool slot.
For K-8 we were looking at The Child's Primary School and Mount Helix Academy. While I liked Mt Helix more personally TCP was clearly the better choice for the Boy. Mt Helix stressed academics more and was more similar to a traditional school and would probably be an easier transition to high school, it was lacking in being able to address Tre's special needs. I love the racial diversity in the school; every class had at least one or two black students in it. They lacked an emotional/social component that we feel is vital for Tre to succeed in school and later in life as well. TCP stressed created individuals who learn how to learn and helping the children understand their own strengths and weaknesses. They emphasize strategies for the children to be successful. The school is quite small (86 vs the 250 at Mt Helix) so it is a tight community which again works great with Tre. We also found out that children that thrived/excelled at UCP did equally well at TCP so it seems to meet our criteria about meshed philosophies. While I wish that TCP was a little more racially diverse I think it will still work for him in the long run.
The one thing that neither school did well was address our concerns about him being in a alternative family. While they gave the common liberal tag-line of it not being a problem and their acceptance of many different kinds of families, I was looking for something stronger and more definitive. I would have loved to hear that they actively worked with the LGBT community and had strong ties to the children's organizations in that community. That they had a zero tolerance policy for discrimination on the basis of sexual preference but I think I can live with the standard as it stands now. UCP was the one place that made it clear that they were a safe place for families that didn't follow the standard model of mom, dad and their 2.5 white kids. They make a point of ensuring every child there feels respected and they encourage people to expand their definition of family. So over all I am happy with it.
So the Boy's educational future no longer hangs in the void and Siddha now has a support staff to help her make the great escape in June. We're all doing great and love all of you so very much for the support/good wishes. Thanks!
